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The current year marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday repulsions that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {